My day got off on the wrong track from the moment I awoke....to the sound of a text message from my sister asking me if I was at church yet. I was still in bed.
Recently, I've been re-evaluating the direction of my life. You know, facing those hard questions we all know are there but don't really want to look in the face. Like 1) What is my purpose? 2) Am I making a difference in the world? 3) Do I like who I am becoming? 4) What are my priorities and what should they be?
After much soul-searching, thoughtful prayer, and conversations with some trusted friends and family members, I'm beginning to see the next steps I need to be taking.
Thus, Operation "Life Organization" has begun. I've always been one for organizing anything and everything. I wouldn't label myself as OCD, but ever since I was 3 years old, my parents have caught me secretly cleaning my room, organizing our desk drawers, and helping clean out all my family members' closets if requested :)
The first step tonight was to organize my room. This includes the storage containers, the books shelves, and the folders of mementos from every major vacation/trip in the last 4 years. There's something freeing about purging the trash, keeping the good, and knowing where things are.
The next step is to organize my finances. Continue keeping track of my expenses and income, setting money aside to pay off my student loans as quickly as possible, and reserving funds for missions giving. It's important to keep track of my money - we're called to be good stewards of our money, therefore I need to be vigilant in this area.
Continuing down the list to academic organization, I have decided to take the GRE and the MCAT. Tonight I'll make a study plan to prepare for these 2 life-directing tests. My goal is to have all my PA application stuff organized by the middle of May and take the GRE then. The MCAT will require more time and I'm aiming toward the end of July/beginning of August.
Spiritually, I haven't been the most diligent. And I can tell it's affecting every part of me. So, I'm going to plan to read through the New Testament a book at a time. There have also been a couple of biographies I've been wanting to read of great Christian leaders that I will make an effort to finish. I consider reading these biographies a form of mentorship from those who have persevered and made a difference for Jesus during their lives. Finally, I am making a prayer list for needs of those around me as well as hurting people in the world. By focusing on others rather than myself, I will be able to become more like Jesus.
With regards to music, I am striving to be faithful to practicing for the students I accompany. They deserve only my best and it's important for me to keep that standard in mind. It's so easy for me to become overwhelmed with the demands of life and work, but I'm going to make an effort not to become so.
And lastly, I'm organizing memories from my college years for graduation. I think it's helpful to see where you've come from so you can know where you're going. It's incredible the opportunities I've had while at Evangel to grow, learn, and experience things I never knew or had done before. The impact of my time there has made a huge impression on me lately.
My priorities are shifting.
I'm learning that it's more important to
-glorify God
-be financially responsible
-pursue education
-be physically fit
than to
-live for myself
-splurge on materialistic items
-be entertained by media
-not give thought to things that affect my body
As I was cleaning out my papers tonight, I ran across a fortune from a fortune cookie I had saved; I guess I thought it was intriguing. Want to know what it said? "A bold and dashing adventure is in your future." I'm excited to see where these changes will take me in the next couple weeks.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
I am 22, Going on 23...
April. 10. 2011.
To celebrate my 22nd birthday, some friends and I went to one of the best places in Springfield for sushi – Kai. Its downtown location makes the restaurant unique, and the funky, techno atmosphere makes it fun. I loved what I ate and was happy to have taken the plunge into trying raw seafood.
This past summer I roomed with one of my best friends in a one-bedroom apartment. We had many adventures living there during that time, but were glad to move out and back into the dorms once school started. After graduating from college, I moved in with 3 other girls into an apartment. This particular apartment has truly felt like a home and is certainly an upgrade from the one before it.
This one was accomplished free of charge as part of my technician requirements for working at the hospital. I’ve wanted to become certified for several years now, and loved being required to become so to work where I do.
After a year of planning, I was able to spend Christmas break with one of my best friends in Nairobi where she grew up and her family still lives. This trip in itself afforded many new opportunities and has been one of the best trips of my life. I learned so much about another culture, was able to help with medical clinics, and had a firsthand view of missionary life.
Pacific:
Atlantic:
Asked a friend to go, wore the dress, had my hair fixed, and immensely enjoyed the evening. My date was only too thoughtful to buy me a corsage, be attentive to me all night, and really be a gentleman. It was my last chance to go, and I’m glad I did.
While in Kenya, Ruthie’s family, some friends, and I made a girls' day out of visiting the tea plantation. We were able to taste the tea, tour the fields, and had a lovely luncheon on the lawn to wrap up the afternoon.
We walked all over San Francisco to save money, up and down the hills…but mostly up. On the way back to the bay, though, we were just too tired to walk any further. So, we hopped on a trolley, and in a few minutes, we were back again. I’ve always thought it would be cool to ride one…and now I have.
Our layover from Kenya to the States allowed us to explore London for a few hours. So, before we left Kenya, we mapped out all the places we wanted to see and visit. One of the main attractions was watching the guard change at the Palace. We arrived to join a huge group at the gates, struggled for a spot to see, and waited. Then they came…marching down the street like a fanfarish parade. The ceremony took about an hour. It was such an interesting experience to know I was watching something that thousands of people come to see and has such historical meaning.
The English Language Institute pairs up foreign-speaking students studying English at MSU with native-born speakers. For several years, I’ve been wanting to get involved, but now I actually have time. My girl is Vietnamese, and it’s been such a rewarding experience to learn about her culture, invest in her English-speaking growth, and share my American culture with her. Another new thing that’s come from this friendship is trying Vietnamese food for the first time – Pho.
It’s still a little hard to believe, but I’ve come to the end of my journey as a student at Evangel. I even have the diploma to prove it. After 4.5 years of dedicated study, learning both from books and life, and making memories, I am done. This May I will walk in the ceremony and receive honors for my work. It’s just another big change in my changing life. In another year, who knows what I’ll have been able to experience - meeting people, visiting places, learning new things. There are still so many things I want to do in life. I think I’ll be surprised where God takes me in the coming years, but I’m ready for Him to bring it on!
It’s been a year since April 10, 2010. And that’s when I decided I would try to do 22 new things throughout my 22nd year of life. This past year has been full of huge changes, but I’ve also gotten to experience many new “little” things. Some of the things I originally put on the list I wasn’t able to complete so they will roll over to my life-list, but let me relate the 22 things I did do.
1. Eat sushi.
To celebrate my 22nd birthday, some friends and I went to one of the best places in Springfield for sushi – Kai. Its downtown location makes the restaurant unique, and the funky, techno atmosphere makes it fun. I loved what I ate and was happy to have taken the plunge into trying raw seafood. 2. Get cartilage pierced.
My sister and I decided we would get our cartilages pierced. Originally, I had wanted to get it done for my 21st birthday, but the timing didn’t work out…so a year later we finally did it. We went to Kaleidoscope which offered the best type of piercing – threading – and an experienced staff of professional piercers/tattoo artists.
3. Have a manicure and pedicure done.
This one was accomplished in two settings. I had my manicure done the day of my birthday here in Springfield, and I had the pedicure done in Nairobi, Kenya at the Country Club. Both were delightfully girly and relaxing. I remember sharing with a fellow customer when I had my manicure done that I was working on experiencing 22 new things for my 22nd birthday, and she told me she thought it was a lovely idea. She just didn’t know if she should start at 40-something years old :)
4. Go tanning. 
Another thing accomplished the day of my birthday. Several friends and I signed up for a free week of tanning at Hawaiian Sun. We were impressed with their customer service and knowledge about the process so had a great experience using their facilities. All in all, it was wonderful…just one sunburn and a small amount of time shaved off my life for excess UV exposure. Haha.
5. Travel the west coast.
Multnomah Falls, OR:
Los Angeles, Walk of Fame:
Concert choir toured the western part of the United States for 3 weeks last summer and we were able to experience many amazing places, meet new people, and grow in our abilities. Some of the most memorable places we visited included the Riverwalk in San Antonio, TX; the strip in Las Vegas, NV; the Walk of Fame in Los Angeles, CA; Chinatown in San Francisco, CA; the Oregon coast and Multnomah Falls; Boise, ID; and Salt Lake City, UT.
6. Rent an apartment.
This past summer I roomed with one of my best friends in a one-bedroom apartment. We had many adventures living there during that time, but were glad to move out and back into the dorms once school started. After graduating from college, I moved in with 3 other girls into an apartment. This particular apartment has truly felt like a home and is certainly an upgrade from the one before it. 7. Engage in a prank war. 
Towards the end of spring semester, several of us girls and a few guys became wrapped up in mischievous behavior ;) This included many stunts with live animals, some glow-in-the-dark paint, and “eligibility” flyers up around campus. So. Much. Fun.
8. Become certified in CPR.
This one was accomplished free of charge as part of my technician requirements for working at the hospital. I’ve wanted to become certified for several years now, and loved being required to become so to work where I do. 9. Visit Kenya.
After a year of planning, I was able to spend Christmas break with one of my best friends in Nairobi where she grew up and her family still lives. This trip in itself afforded many new opportunities and has been one of the best trips of my life. I learned so much about another culture, was able to help with medical clinics, and had a firsthand view of missionary life. 10. Ride a motorcycle.
Thanks to another friend of mine who owns a motorcycle and loves to drive people around on it, I was able to check this one off the list. It took a little bit to get used to how to lean with the turns and jive with the driver, but it was so much fun. Highway riding was a little rough, and I learned quickly that I needed to wear a t-shirt so as not to have my more girly shirts balloon out with the wind, but I really enjoyed it overall.
11. Read 52 books in one year.
This one I didn’t completely attain. I only read 31 books. Several were worth it, others not so much. The main goal I had was to broaden my horizons by choosing different genres as well as educating myself in other people’s experiences by reading biographies.
12. Eat Ethiopian food. 
Ruthie and I planned a trip to the nearest restaurant, which was 3 hours away, and made a day of it in Kansas City. The food was absolutely delicious although it doesn’t necessarily look so. Then when we were in Kenya, we ate Ethiopian again at her favorite place – super awesome.
Ruthie and I planned a trip to the nearest restaurant, which was 3 hours away, and made a day of it in Kansas City. The food was absolutely delicious although it doesn’t necessarily look so. Then when we were in Kenya, we ate Ethiopian again at her favorite place – super awesome. 13. Swim in the ocean.
Pacific:
Atlantic: First the Pacific in May, which was freezing. Then the Atlantic in August, which was nearly as freezing. Both were delightful though. One of the most memorable parts of these two swims was the surprise of the saltiness of the water. My eyes stung, my lungs hurt, and my mouth was parched by the end, but it was totally worth it.
14. Shadow in the ER.
This one quickly changed from “shadow” to “work.” Little did I know last year that I would be working in the ER now, but I am. And I love it. It’s always interesting, I’m never bored, and I’m surrounded by medical professionals in their element. With this position comes many new experiences: seeing angiograms, observing the organized chaos of code blues, seeing someone defibrillated, watching suturing and stapling, observing CTs, ultrasounds, and x-rays, and preparing a body for the morgue.
15. Go to Jr/Sr Banquet.
Asked a friend to go, wore the dress, had my hair fixed, and immensely enjoyed the evening. My date was only too thoughtful to buy me a corsage, be attentive to me all night, and really be a gentleman. It was my last chance to go, and I’m glad I did. 16. Ask someone to Spring Fling.
Had a wonderful time coming up with an invite, deciphering the response, brainstorming for costumes, and attending the show. The theme was Circus, and we doubled with some friends to go as Lions, Tigers, and Bears. Oh my!
On a side note, I was also asked to Harvest Fest for the first time. The theme was Out of this World and we went as constellations: Virgo and Orion.
17. Feed a giraffe from my mouth.
While in Nairobi, we visited a giraffe park. Ever since I knew you could feed a giraffe with your mouth, I had wanted to do it. So, I did. It was slightly disturbing thinking about that huge, slobbery tongue swiping nearly my entire face, but I summoned up the guts, stuck the pellet in my mouth, and braced myself for the kiss. It basically felt like a cat’s tongue – rough – only much larger. And of course I had to do it several times for a good picture ;)
18. Tour a tea plantation.
While in Kenya, Ruthie’s family, some friends, and I made a girls' day out of visiting the tea plantation. We were able to taste the tea, tour the fields, and had a lovely luncheon on the lawn to wrap up the afternoon. 19. Ride a trolley in San Francisco.
We walked all over San Francisco to save money, up and down the hills…but mostly up. On the way back to the bay, though, we were just too tired to walk any further. So, we hopped on a trolley, and in a few minutes, we were back again. I’ve always thought it would be cool to ride one…and now I have. 20. Watch the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace.
Our layover from Kenya to the States allowed us to explore London for a few hours. So, before we left Kenya, we mapped out all the places we wanted to see and visit. One of the main attractions was watching the guard change at the Palace. We arrived to join a huge group at the gates, struggled for a spot to see, and waited. Then they came…marching down the street like a fanfarish parade. The ceremony took about an hour. It was such an interesting experience to know I was watching something that thousands of people come to see and has such historical meaning. 21. Get involved with the ELI program at MSU.
The English Language Institute pairs up foreign-speaking students studying English at MSU with native-born speakers. For several years, I’ve been wanting to get involved, but now I actually have time. My girl is Vietnamese, and it’s been such a rewarding experience to learn about her culture, invest in her English-speaking growth, and share my American culture with her. Another new thing that’s come from this friendship is trying Vietnamese food for the first time – Pho. 22. Graduate from college.
It’s still a little hard to believe, but I’ve come to the end of my journey as a student at Evangel. I even have the diploma to prove it. After 4.5 years of dedicated study, learning both from books and life, and making memories, I am done. This May I will walk in the ceremony and receive honors for my work. It’s just another big change in my changing life. In another year, who knows what I’ll have been able to experience - meeting people, visiting places, learning new things. There are still so many things I want to do in life. I think I’ll be surprised where God takes me in the coming years, but I’m ready for Him to bring it on!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Truths from the Emergency Room
It’s been nearly three weeks since I’ve finished my training and been on my own in the ER. These last three weeks have taught me many things – things my trainers could not teach me but only experience could. When people find out I work in the ER, the first question they ask is if I like it. And I do. Although it’s physically challenging, I love the variety and fast pace the department embodies. Each day I have no idea what I’ll encounter, which makes it interesting.
A few truths I’ve come to see since my time in the ER are as follow:
1. Don’t take it personally. I received this advice the first night I had orientation in the ER. My education supervisor let us know that this department was stressful and sometimes didn’t allow for niceties when it came to communication. I’ve found that most of my co-workers are quite pleasant, but if I had not been warned beforehand, it would not have been good. You see, I’m a people-pleaser by nature. I’m also a type-A perfectionist. I don’t like to disappoint. When I make mistakes and get called out on them, I just have to remember not to take it personally. Learn from it and move on. Also, when nurses have had awful encounters with patients, doctors are frazzled and overwhelmed, and patients and their families are the furthest things from saints, I have to let it roll off my back.
2. Every person is human. It doesn’t matter what your age, gender, career, family situation, location of residence, or education level, every person is mortal. We don’t live forever in our earthly bodies, and we all can be placed in a situation of dependence. When I was little, I remember the president of the United States placing temporary power into the VP’s hands while he underwent a colonoscopy…and I remember thinking it strange that such a private medical concern should be public knowledge. It just goes to prove, though, that it doesn’t matter who you are, medical concerns affect us all. Keeping this in mind helps me be able to relate to everyone on an equal plane; each person is worthy of the best care possible and I am able to respect each patient as a person by not having my perspective clouded with pre-conceived notions. Usually I show up to a room not even aware of the reason the patient is in the ER. I’m just there to serve in whatever way I can.
3. Small things matter. In a world where a one-digit difference on a code pulls up Suzy instead of Johnny, little aspects make it or break it. I’ve found that it’s important to check the O2 tanks under the beds so as not to run out on a transport, include a middle initial on an EKG, clean under the bed so as not to leave trash or objects that could hurt someone if the bed is placed in a psychiatric room, change the battery in my phone at the beginning of the shift, and let people know when I’m going to lunch. I’ve found that by doing my tasks well and to the best of my ability, my co-workers are beginning to trust me. I know that no one else will have to pick up the slack because of my inattention.
4. I love the field of medicine. In the midst of all the messiness and complexities of our patients’ lives, there lies one common thing: they have a problem. Sometimes the problem is the body, sometimes the mind, and sometimes the spirit – or a combination of these. Although St. John's is better than other hospitals about acknowledging the spirit due to its Catholic heritage, the other two receive more attention. I love that there are the few brave, dedicated men and women who have pursued the study necessary to understand the body. They can look at a situation with an underlying medical problem, recognize that problem, and know how to treat it. Some of the interesting procedures I’ve been able to watch include lumbar punctures, stapling head wounds, cath lab procedures, splinting, CPR (code blues), CTs, X-rays, and ultrasounds. I’m continually learning new things about the body, it thrills my soul, and I know I’m in the right place at this point in my life.
So, that’s what I’ve been up to these last few weeks. I’m hoping as time goes by to earn the doctors’ friendship and be able to take on more of a student-mentor relationship with them. For now, I will continue to be faithful in the small things at work, respect my patients and co-workers, and strive to be a light for my Savior. There are so many opportunities to do so.
With that being said, I’ll leave you with the verse I’ve taken to heart recently. Psalms 118:14 – The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation (NIV). Truly, he is what keeps me going in this physically challenging job. He is the joy of my heart and the One my soul worships with both audible and inaudible singing. And he is redeeming me day by day; a sinner in need of mercy and grace being transformed into the image of Jesus and his righteousness.
A few truths I’ve come to see since my time in the ER are as follow:
1. Don’t take it personally. I received this advice the first night I had orientation in the ER. My education supervisor let us know that this department was stressful and sometimes didn’t allow for niceties when it came to communication. I’ve found that most of my co-workers are quite pleasant, but if I had not been warned beforehand, it would not have been good. You see, I’m a people-pleaser by nature. I’m also a type-A perfectionist. I don’t like to disappoint. When I make mistakes and get called out on them, I just have to remember not to take it personally. Learn from it and move on. Also, when nurses have had awful encounters with patients, doctors are frazzled and overwhelmed, and patients and their families are the furthest things from saints, I have to let it roll off my back.
2. Every person is human. It doesn’t matter what your age, gender, career, family situation, location of residence, or education level, every person is mortal. We don’t live forever in our earthly bodies, and we all can be placed in a situation of dependence. When I was little, I remember the president of the United States placing temporary power into the VP’s hands while he underwent a colonoscopy…and I remember thinking it strange that such a private medical concern should be public knowledge. It just goes to prove, though, that it doesn’t matter who you are, medical concerns affect us all. Keeping this in mind helps me be able to relate to everyone on an equal plane; each person is worthy of the best care possible and I am able to respect each patient as a person by not having my perspective clouded with pre-conceived notions. Usually I show up to a room not even aware of the reason the patient is in the ER. I’m just there to serve in whatever way I can.
3. Small things matter. In a world where a one-digit difference on a code pulls up Suzy instead of Johnny, little aspects make it or break it. I’ve found that it’s important to check the O2 tanks under the beds so as not to run out on a transport, include a middle initial on an EKG, clean under the bed so as not to leave trash or objects that could hurt someone if the bed is placed in a psychiatric room, change the battery in my phone at the beginning of the shift, and let people know when I’m going to lunch. I’ve found that by doing my tasks well and to the best of my ability, my co-workers are beginning to trust me. I know that no one else will have to pick up the slack because of my inattention.
4. I love the field of medicine. In the midst of all the messiness and complexities of our patients’ lives, there lies one common thing: they have a problem. Sometimes the problem is the body, sometimes the mind, and sometimes the spirit – or a combination of these. Although St. John's is better than other hospitals about acknowledging the spirit due to its Catholic heritage, the other two receive more attention. I love that there are the few brave, dedicated men and women who have pursued the study necessary to understand the body. They can look at a situation with an underlying medical problem, recognize that problem, and know how to treat it. Some of the interesting procedures I’ve been able to watch include lumbar punctures, stapling head wounds, cath lab procedures, splinting, CPR (code blues), CTs, X-rays, and ultrasounds. I’m continually learning new things about the body, it thrills my soul, and I know I’m in the right place at this point in my life.
So, that’s what I’ve been up to these last few weeks. I’m hoping as time goes by to earn the doctors’ friendship and be able to take on more of a student-mentor relationship with them. For now, I will continue to be faithful in the small things at work, respect my patients and co-workers, and strive to be a light for my Savior. There are so many opportunities to do so.
With that being said, I’ll leave you with the verse I’ve taken to heart recently. Psalms 118:14 – The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation (NIV). Truly, he is what keeps me going in this physically challenging job. He is the joy of my heart and the One my soul worships with both audible and inaudible singing. And he is redeeming me day by day; a sinner in need of mercy and grace being transformed into the image of Jesus and his righteousness.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Difference a Few Months Can Make
Recently I’ve been reflecting on the difference a few months can make. I was just relating to a friend today how things I was unsure of or concerned about have resolved themselves. Last November, at a point in my life when I was completely overwhelmed, I went to talk to my choir director. She listened to me as I poured out my concerns, encouraged me in my decision to fast and pray for God’s direction, and kept me in her prayers as well. As of two weeks ago, all of the issues had an answer. But I didn’t know what those answers would be in middle of November 2010…
My reason in sharing this difficult time in my life is to encourage you in your difficult times. That time may be now or in the future, but either way I can attest to God’s faithfulness. It’s hard and goes against our human nature to trust him. It feels so much better to be able to take the situation into our own hands and DO something about it. But that’s the worst thing we could do.
Let me fill you in on what I was facing just a few months ago.
1. School – I was coming up on finals, and I only had one more round of tests in which to maintain my perfect GPA. This caused a lot of self-induced stress. Then I also had to study for the algebra CLEP test that I had waited 4.5 years to take. (Side note: I literally took the test on my last day of college; the day I passed the CLEP is the date on my diploma for graduation.)
2. Employment – I knew I needed a job for when I came back after break, but I honestly didn’t have time to submit applications. I felt like I had no connections to people here in the medical field, so I didn’t even really know where to start.
3. Finances/Loans – Not only did I want to get a job in the medical field for experience, I needed a job to help pay for an apartment and bills. Plus, loan repayments would begin 6 months after graduation.
4. Apartment – There were a few other girls and I who were thinking of getting an apartment together, but only one of us had any assurance of income (and her’s was through student loans because of student teaching). I knew I wanted to stay in Springfield, but all of us were unsure of our situations, so it was stressful.
5. Relationship – I was at a point where I was unsure of the direction of a special and significant relationship in my life. I desperately needed God’s wisdom and guidance in this area.
On top of all the major changes that come with ending one stage of life and beginning another, I also had to think about moving my dorm possessions out of my room before break (but not having anywhere to store them) and traveling to Kenya and being out of the country for nearly 4 weeks.
And, now, let me relate how these needs were met. The two other girls (besides the student teacher) finally heard back from their interviews and were hired! We decided to sign a 6-month apartment lease. I submitted many applications to the two hospitals here and received a call from one for an interview, which I attended the week before school ended with no guarantee of knowing if I’d receive the position until several weeks later. I passed my finals with A’s, took and passed my CLEP, got all of my dorm room stuff moved (thanks to a friend) into my suitemate’s room to store during Christmas, made it to Kenya safe and sound, and had a wonderful time while there during break.
While in Kenya, I would occasionally have periods of time when I would begin to panic about my situation back in the States when I would return. My bank account was looking pretty slim, I had signed the apartment lease, and I didn’t have a job. But honestly, the only thing I could DO about it was trust God. I literally couldn’t call the hospital to follow up since I was in a different country. I also only had a first name of the person who had interviewed me so I didn’t even know who to call. It was a great time of relying on my faith in my Creator. He had a good plan for me whether I could see how things would work out or not.
The night we got back to the States I couldn’t sleep because of jet lag. Although I had checked my texts once back, I didn’t see that I had any voicemails to check. While lying there in bed not able to sleep, thinking about the huge job ahead of me of moving my stuff to the new apartment and needing to follow up with the hospital, I had the feeling to check my messages. What do you know, I had a voicemail on my phone offering me the job for which I had interviewed. Such relief!
And the final thing – the relationship – yeah, that one was finally resolved 2 weeks ago. It’s been difficult to lose the attention and affection of one of my closest friends, but I know time will make it easier. And it’s caused me to be reminded that human love cannot fully satisfy our longings – only God can. Yesterday I was at a women’s rally, and the speaker made an illuminating remark – God is love and we were made in the image of God. Therefore, we can were created with the desire and ability to embrace his love. And perfect love is many things: patient, kind, not envious or easily wronged, always hopeful and perseverant. God’s love never fails.
So, that’s my story. It’s amazing how much can change in 3 months. All of my concerns have been met; some in ways I would have never seen or expected. Although I’m not sure exactly why I felt impressed to write this post, I did feel strongly that I should. Maybe it’s for you to be encouraged. Or perhaps it’s for myself – to be able to see God’s past work in my life so that I can be encouraged to trust him with my future now. Either way, my hope is that you will be able to see that not every difficult thing lasts for a lifetime. God is faithful. You can rely on him for your answers.
My reason in sharing this difficult time in my life is to encourage you in your difficult times. That time may be now or in the future, but either way I can attest to God’s faithfulness. It’s hard and goes against our human nature to trust him. It feels so much better to be able to take the situation into our own hands and DO something about it. But that’s the worst thing we could do.
Let me fill you in on what I was facing just a few months ago.
1. School – I was coming up on finals, and I only had one more round of tests in which to maintain my perfect GPA. This caused a lot of self-induced stress. Then I also had to study for the algebra CLEP test that I had waited 4.5 years to take. (Side note: I literally took the test on my last day of college; the day I passed the CLEP is the date on my diploma for graduation.)
2. Employment – I knew I needed a job for when I came back after break, but I honestly didn’t have time to submit applications. I felt like I had no connections to people here in the medical field, so I didn’t even really know where to start.
3. Finances/Loans – Not only did I want to get a job in the medical field for experience, I needed a job to help pay for an apartment and bills. Plus, loan repayments would begin 6 months after graduation.
4. Apartment – There were a few other girls and I who were thinking of getting an apartment together, but only one of us had any assurance of income (and her’s was through student loans because of student teaching). I knew I wanted to stay in Springfield, but all of us were unsure of our situations, so it was stressful.
5. Relationship – I was at a point where I was unsure of the direction of a special and significant relationship in my life. I desperately needed God’s wisdom and guidance in this area.
On top of all the major changes that come with ending one stage of life and beginning another, I also had to think about moving my dorm possessions out of my room before break (but not having anywhere to store them) and traveling to Kenya and being out of the country for nearly 4 weeks.
And, now, let me relate how these needs were met. The two other girls (besides the student teacher) finally heard back from their interviews and were hired! We decided to sign a 6-month apartment lease. I submitted many applications to the two hospitals here and received a call from one for an interview, which I attended the week before school ended with no guarantee of knowing if I’d receive the position until several weeks later. I passed my finals with A’s, took and passed my CLEP, got all of my dorm room stuff moved (thanks to a friend) into my suitemate’s room to store during Christmas, made it to Kenya safe and sound, and had a wonderful time while there during break.
While in Kenya, I would occasionally have periods of time when I would begin to panic about my situation back in the States when I would return. My bank account was looking pretty slim, I had signed the apartment lease, and I didn’t have a job. But honestly, the only thing I could DO about it was trust God. I literally couldn’t call the hospital to follow up since I was in a different country. I also only had a first name of the person who had interviewed me so I didn’t even know who to call. It was a great time of relying on my faith in my Creator. He had a good plan for me whether I could see how things would work out or not.
The night we got back to the States I couldn’t sleep because of jet lag. Although I had checked my texts once back, I didn’t see that I had any voicemails to check. While lying there in bed not able to sleep, thinking about the huge job ahead of me of moving my stuff to the new apartment and needing to follow up with the hospital, I had the feeling to check my messages. What do you know, I had a voicemail on my phone offering me the job for which I had interviewed. Such relief!
And the final thing – the relationship – yeah, that one was finally resolved 2 weeks ago. It’s been difficult to lose the attention and affection of one of my closest friends, but I know time will make it easier. And it’s caused me to be reminded that human love cannot fully satisfy our longings – only God can. Yesterday I was at a women’s rally, and the speaker made an illuminating remark – God is love and we were made in the image of God. Therefore, we can were created with the desire and ability to embrace his love. And perfect love is many things: patient, kind, not envious or easily wronged, always hopeful and perseverant. God’s love never fails.
So, that’s my story. It’s amazing how much can change in 3 months. All of my concerns have been met; some in ways I would have never seen or expected. Although I’m not sure exactly why I felt impressed to write this post, I did feel strongly that I should. Maybe it’s for you to be encouraged. Or perhaps it’s for myself – to be able to see God’s past work in my life so that I can be encouraged to trust him with my future now. Either way, my hope is that you will be able to see that not every difficult thing lasts for a lifetime. God is faithful. You can rely on him for your answers.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Lessons of Life
Maturity is hard. Transformation is painful. But in the end, something beautiful is achieved.
These last few days I have felt like a caterpillar trying to break out of a cocoon or a toddler constantly trying to learn how to walk and ending up face-first on the ground. It’s difficult adjusting to change, and sometimes in the process one ends up with bruises and injuries.
Even though I may be lonely at times, I know One who will never leave me alone. When I fail to guard my heart, His heart overflows with love for me. During times when depression tempts me, His joy is ever-present. And in the midst of change, I can rely on the only One who never changes.
These truths I must rely upon; otherwise, life could overwhelm me.
These last few days I have felt like a caterpillar trying to break out of a cocoon or a toddler constantly trying to learn how to walk and ending up face-first on the ground. It’s difficult adjusting to change, and sometimes in the process one ends up with bruises and injuries.
Even though I may be lonely at times, I know One who will never leave me alone. When I fail to guard my heart, His heart overflows with love for me. During times when depression tempts me, His joy is ever-present. And in the midst of change, I can rely on the only One who never changes.
These truths I must rely upon; otherwise, life could overwhelm me.
Monday, January 31, 2011
One-Month Reflections: 2011
As we near the end of the month, I realize that I've been terribly neglectful of posting on this blog. Perhaps it's due to the fact that I've returned from the trip to everyday, normal kind of activities. Or maybe it's due to the fact that so many changes have occured that I don't know how to adequately express my thoughts. Or the fact that other things seemed more important at the time. Or, lastly, that I didn't know how to relate everything I've been feeling without being vulnerable. Regardless, I've decided to share some of my life these past few weeks with you again :)
Since January 10th, many changes have occured. Most notably, I've moved into a new apartment here in S-town with three other amazing girls from Evangel. Three of us are grads; the other is student teaching this semester. It's been a blessing to live with these women, share life with them, and become acquainted with new friends. This apartment definitely was an upgrade from this summer's: majorly. Haha! The four of us share 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms along with a living room and kitchen. Perks include a washer and dryer, dishwasher, pantry, and porch with a storage closet. I am more than content with our living arrangement. Another perk is being so close to where I work, which leads me to the next big change that has occured.
The night we flew back in from Kenya I decided to check my voicemail while trying to fall asleep (stupid jet lag!). In an answer to prayer, I had received a call offering me the one and only position I had applied to before leaving for Christmas break: ER technician at a local hospital. Between that time and now, I have passed background checks, signed my life away in new-hire paperwork, and attended 4 days of orientation. Today was my first round of clinicals in the med/surg unit. I still have 1 more week of orientation and 2 more weeks of training before I'll be placed in the ER. I am incredibly grateful to be gaining this medical experience. And God knew what he was doing when he placed me in the ER; I can't handle boring, monotonous jobs, and the ER is anything but boring :)
In my spare time I've spent hours visiting with amazing friends, went home to see my incredible Mom and Dad (oh and the dog, haha!), read several books, finished another season of Psych, worked out numerous times, made a couple treks to Orange Leaf, spent some time babysitting my 4 favorite little men here in town, tasted Russian tea, had a roomie girls' night complete with a chick flick and cupcakes, volunteered at Convoy of Hope, and signed up to be an English Conversation Partner with a foreign exchange student from Vietnam.
Although at times it's incredibly difficult being away from Evangel, I am trying to distance myself some. It's hard to limit my time when most of my friends are still there, but I know it's healthy to give them space and for me to be able to adjust to my new stage of life. No matter how badly I wish I were still there with my circle of friends and professors, I can't dwell in the past without crippling my present. So, I continually rely on God to meet my need for friendship, take extra measures to initiate meeting with friends so as not to become too lonely, and learn to be content being alone. I've never really struggled with needing to be the center of attention, surrounded by a large group of fans (so to speak), but I know myself...and I know that especially during the winter, I'm more prone to being slightly depressed. Not to worry; it's not a big deal and I'm aware of it...just being real.
So, as we creep up on February, pause to reflect on the month that's passed since we rang in the New Year 2011. Looking back on my own experiences, I notice several differences. January 1st found me under the warm, night sky of Nairobi, Kenya gazing up at the stars and watching fireworks burst. February 1st will find me in America anticipating below-freezing windchills and a blizzard warranting the governor of my state to put the National Guard on alert. Two completely different situations. In the past month, I've experienced incredible growth in some areas; I've regressed several steps in others. But through it all, I know that God is still the same, his love is unfailing, and his plan is good. And despite the uncertainty of the future, I know I can trust the One who created all time and space. May you rest confident in this assurance as well as we pass another milestone of this year.
Since January 10th, many changes have occured. Most notably, I've moved into a new apartment here in S-town with three other amazing girls from Evangel. Three of us are grads; the other is student teaching this semester. It's been a blessing to live with these women, share life with them, and become acquainted with new friends. This apartment definitely was an upgrade from this summer's: majorly. Haha! The four of us share 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms along with a living room and kitchen. Perks include a washer and dryer, dishwasher, pantry, and porch with a storage closet. I am more than content with our living arrangement. Another perk is being so close to where I work, which leads me to the next big change that has occured.
The night we flew back in from Kenya I decided to check my voicemail while trying to fall asleep (stupid jet lag!). In an answer to prayer, I had received a call offering me the one and only position I had applied to before leaving for Christmas break: ER technician at a local hospital. Between that time and now, I have passed background checks, signed my life away in new-hire paperwork, and attended 4 days of orientation. Today was my first round of clinicals in the med/surg unit. I still have 1 more week of orientation and 2 more weeks of training before I'll be placed in the ER. I am incredibly grateful to be gaining this medical experience. And God knew what he was doing when he placed me in the ER; I can't handle boring, monotonous jobs, and the ER is anything but boring :)
In my spare time I've spent hours visiting with amazing friends, went home to see my incredible Mom and Dad (oh and the dog, haha!), read several books, finished another season of Psych, worked out numerous times, made a couple treks to Orange Leaf, spent some time babysitting my 4 favorite little men here in town, tasted Russian tea, had a roomie girls' night complete with a chick flick and cupcakes, volunteered at Convoy of Hope, and signed up to be an English Conversation Partner with a foreign exchange student from Vietnam.
Although at times it's incredibly difficult being away from Evangel, I am trying to distance myself some. It's hard to limit my time when most of my friends are still there, but I know it's healthy to give them space and for me to be able to adjust to my new stage of life. No matter how badly I wish I were still there with my circle of friends and professors, I can't dwell in the past without crippling my present. So, I continually rely on God to meet my need for friendship, take extra measures to initiate meeting with friends so as not to become too lonely, and learn to be content being alone. I've never really struggled with needing to be the center of attention, surrounded by a large group of fans (so to speak), but I know myself...and I know that especially during the winter, I'm more prone to being slightly depressed. Not to worry; it's not a big deal and I'm aware of it...just being real.
So, as we creep up on February, pause to reflect on the month that's passed since we rang in the New Year 2011. Looking back on my own experiences, I notice several differences. January 1st found me under the warm, night sky of Nairobi, Kenya gazing up at the stars and watching fireworks burst. February 1st will find me in America anticipating below-freezing windchills and a blizzard warranting the governor of my state to put the National Guard on alert. Two completely different situations. In the past month, I've experienced incredible growth in some areas; I've regressed several steps in others. But through it all, I know that God is still the same, his love is unfailing, and his plan is good. And despite the uncertainty of the future, I know I can trust the One who created all time and space. May you rest confident in this assurance as well as we pass another milestone of this year.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Home Again, Home Again
*continuation of our return travels
We made it back to the London airport with plenty of time to grab our carry-ons, go through security, and make our gate. It had been a lovely day, but at that point we were just ready to be home. The next 8 hours of flying brought us to Chicago. It’s always an interesting feeling going through customs; being allowed back into your home country. I was coming back to the familiar, but not everything was the same; I had changed and my perspective was different.
The first things I noticed when arriving in the airport were the Christmas decorations and snowflake lights along the highway outside the airport. It was the most Christmas-y I had felt all break. I was hit by the difference between the O’Hare and the Nairobi airports. One was cold and enclosed; the other was warm and open.
There are always little things that stick out when assimilating back into American culture. With India, I had only been gone a week, but I was coming back from an entirely different Eastern culture. This time I was gone nearly four weeks, but I had been in a most Westernized country. In both cases, I noticed different things. Both times were difficult in different ways.
One thing that always gets me is the hesitancy I have with drinking water out of the fountain. I almost feel guilty. “Is it safe? Am I ok drinking this? I can’t drink this; it’s not filtered.” Haha! “Oh, wait. We’re in America. It’s fine. Get a grip.”
Another thing I noticed this time was the prevalence of disposable wrappers, cups, bag, etc . with the fast-food restaurants. The portion sizes were also much larger and I could tell the difference in the healthiness of the food. I thought it odd when everyone was going on and on about how much healthier the food in Kenya was – how they could tell the difference from school to home, there were less preservatives, etc. I didn’t understand and didn’t notice the difference going from America to Kenya. But from Kenya to America I could taste and feel the difference in my body as I was eating the food. And then everything they said finally made sense.
Our layover in Chicago was only 2 hours, so we were soon on the plane for Springfield. Although we were delayed in leaving due to a problem with the lights in the cabin that had to be fixed, I didn’t notice. I was asleep before we took off and stayed asleep until just before landing. When we arrived in Springfield, a good friend from school and one of my new roommates was there to pick us up. It was great to see her after our 37 hours of travel. It was snowing and icy. What a change from the 70 degree weather and sunshine of Kenya! On our way out of the airport parking lot, we even spun out on the ice. The rest of the trip back to Evangel was uneventful and soon we were greeting the girls in the dorm. I spent the night with Ruthie one last time in Walther.
The trip to Kenya was amazing. Besides amazing, there are many other adjectives I could use to describe it: unforgettable, life-impacting, humbling, stretching, and rewarding. I hope throughout these posts you have been able to develop a respect for the Kenyans, the people who work and serve in this beautiful country, and the M’s who love the people they have chosen to live with. I’m sure what I’ve experienced and have tried to relate barely touches the surface, but I’ve made a good effort and it’s certainly a good beginning.
We made it back to the London airport with plenty of time to grab our carry-ons, go through security, and make our gate. It had been a lovely day, but at that point we were just ready to be home. The next 8 hours of flying brought us to Chicago. It’s always an interesting feeling going through customs; being allowed back into your home country. I was coming back to the familiar, but not everything was the same; I had changed and my perspective was different.
The first things I noticed when arriving in the airport were the Christmas decorations and snowflake lights along the highway outside the airport. It was the most Christmas-y I had felt all break. I was hit by the difference between the O’Hare and the Nairobi airports. One was cold and enclosed; the other was warm and open.
There are always little things that stick out when assimilating back into American culture. With India, I had only been gone a week, but I was coming back from an entirely different Eastern culture. This time I was gone nearly four weeks, but I had been in a most Westernized country. In both cases, I noticed different things. Both times were difficult in different ways.
One thing that always gets me is the hesitancy I have with drinking water out of the fountain. I almost feel guilty. “Is it safe? Am I ok drinking this? I can’t drink this; it’s not filtered.” Haha! “Oh, wait. We’re in America. It’s fine. Get a grip.”
Another thing I noticed this time was the prevalence of disposable wrappers, cups, bag, etc . with the fast-food restaurants. The portion sizes were also much larger and I could tell the difference in the healthiness of the food. I thought it odd when everyone was going on and on about how much healthier the food in Kenya was – how they could tell the difference from school to home, there were less preservatives, etc. I didn’t understand and didn’t notice the difference going from America to Kenya. But from Kenya to America I could taste and feel the difference in my body as I was eating the food. And then everything they said finally made sense.
Our layover in Chicago was only 2 hours, so we were soon on the plane for Springfield. Although we were delayed in leaving due to a problem with the lights in the cabin that had to be fixed, I didn’t notice. I was asleep before we took off and stayed asleep until just before landing. When we arrived in Springfield, a good friend from school and one of my new roommates was there to pick us up. It was great to see her after our 37 hours of travel. It was snowing and icy. What a change from the 70 degree weather and sunshine of Kenya! On our way out of the airport parking lot, we even spun out on the ice. The rest of the trip back to Evangel was uneventful and soon we were greeting the girls in the dorm. I spent the night with Ruthie one last time in Walther.
The trip to Kenya was amazing. Besides amazing, there are many other adjectives I could use to describe it: unforgettable, life-impacting, humbling, stretching, and rewarding. I hope throughout these posts you have been able to develop a respect for the Kenyans, the people who work and serve in this beautiful country, and the M’s who love the people they have chosen to live with. I’m sure what I’ve experienced and have tried to relate barely touches the surface, but I’ve made a good effort and it’s certainly a good beginning.
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