Life Update

What’s new in life?

Well, if you missed the most recent travel blog, head on over here to read the latest.

July 10 I celebrated by quarter birthday. Who does that? Yeah, me neither. However, I was thinking it’s only been 3 months since my birthday and so many things have happened in life. Usually I think about goals in light of anniversaries (like work hire date) or calendar year, but this 3-month period seems to have encompassed several particularly big events.

For instance, in May I traveled to Romania for over a week and became an aunt for the first time. In June, I visited my sister and bro-in-law to meet said niece. Returned home and was diagnosed with pneumonia after several weeks of feeling ill. And then in July my friends and I went on a nearly 2-week road trip as mentioned above.

Now as July comes to a close and the city gears up for the influx of college students and the new school year, I feel we have come to a natural time again to reflect and plan.

What I’m watching:

• NCIS. My parents were fans long before I was. During a trip home at the beginning of the year, they had decided to re-watch the series from the beginning. I was hooked. Since January, I have been slowly chipping away at the episodes and have made it nearly through season 10. Netflix covers through 14 currently, so I only have 4 more to go.
• Great British Baking Show. While I had pneumonia, I barely felt like getting up to use the bathroom let alone do anything productive with life. So, my roomie and I watched the first season of the GBBS. Baking truly is both art and science. As someone who likes patterns, structure, and “rules,” baking is right up my alley. The show has been entertaining, and it makes it more fun to watch having friends around who are also fans.

 What I’m listening to:

• Ella Fitzgerald. I’m not one who knows the classics. I didn’t grow up with them. However, recently, I decided to catch up on some of the different genres I’ve heard mentioned, but do not personally know well. I’m starting with jazz, but am planning on exploring some reggae next.

 What I’m reading:

• Hearts of Fire: Eight Women in the Underground Church and Their Stories of Costly Faith. A book by Voice of the Martyrs. Truly inspiring.
• Fifty Foods and How They Changed the Course of History. Saw this title at the Starbucks Roastery library in Seattle. Decided to see if the public library had it, and they did! So far, it’s not quite as interesting as I thought it would be and is evolutionary heavy at the beginning, but I hope for it to improve.
• Paradise Lost. I haven’t read this one yet and I’ve heard others talk about how it is worth reading, so it’s my newest start. Although, I must confess I checked out the Cliff Notes guide to go along with the read.
• Mountains Beyond Mountains. The story of Dr. Paul Farmer, who worked in Haiti and was influential in developing the TB management plan for the World Health Organization (WHO).

 What I’m doing:

• In the past two weeks, I’ve played trivia twice, gone to Wildwood, heard Keith Urban sing at the Jones’ County Fair, met a friend for lunch, worked 54 hours, attended the guys’ final softball game, played bingo, kayaked at Lake MacBride, helped a friend move, and played board games with friends.

 So, that’s the update.

There’s also something big coming up in October, with which I am involved. Stay tuned to the travel blog for more news this week!

"Life Is The Sum Of All Your Choices." --Albert Camus

Occasionally, my mind gets stuck thinking about something particular in life. Sometimes it seems everything in life I encounter points to the same topic. Recently, it’s been the concept of choice.

I’m pretty sure the trigger for all this pondering was listening to our Romanian host discuss what life was like growing up under communism. She studied to be a nurse and then “was placed in Constanta” because that is where the state needed her to go. Such a foreign thought to me – going where your country tells you to go. Of course, that is, unless you are in the military – then it makes sense. Without a mandatory draft in decades, though, even being in the military doesn’t seem so bad because at least it is voluntary.

Another encounter with this thought came when my mom was relating my sister’s experience in the hospital during delivery of my niece. She mentioned my sister was in horrendous pain, but still made it a priority to be kind to those who were helping her. She knew she had a choice in how she treated others and responded to her environment. After 18 hours in the hospital (and longer in labor), my niece was delivered by an emergency C-section. The following days were not what they had planned; they weren’t discharged until 5 days after delivery. Through it all though, my sister held onto her resolve to be kind.

Within the past week, I finished listening to an audio book called, “The Witness Wore Red: The 19^th Wife Who Brought Polygamous Cult Leaders to Justice.” Why did I read this book? I think it’s because I was traveling home (9-hour roundtrip) one weekend and needed an audiobook – it was advertised on the first page of the library site I use for audiobooks and it looked intriguing. Through the story of Rebecca Musser, the concept of choice (or lack of choice) was vividly highlighted. Once she left the fundamentalist LDS church, she was faced with the overwhelming option of choice. Within her cult, she had little to no say in her life as a woman, especially in the big decisions. The stark contrast between her life before and after she left the cult allowed me to see just how much choice I have in my life.

As I’ve been reading through Genesis again lately, I've noticed how the choice Adam and Eve made reflected their distrust in God – that he was holding back good things in their lives by restricting them from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and the tree of life. They made the wrong choice. But then we see in the gospels that Jesus also had a choice. He had a choice to live a sinless life and voluntarily give his life for us. And he made the right choice.

This past weekend, I went with a few friends to watch the new Wonder Woman movie. Ever since I dressed up as Wonder Woman at Halloween a few years ago, I feel like I identify with her, despite having never read the comics or followed the older shows.  If one tries, it is not hard to draw “redemptive stories” or Christian analogies from the storyline. For example, Diana (Wonder Woman) leaves her realm to war against Aries (the god of war) who has corrupted mankind and brought about evil in the world. In the end, Aries attempts to persuade her to join him in destroying mankind as they do not deserve the help of the gods. She is presented with the choice to abandon mankind and participate in destroying them with Aries or to destroy Aries and save mankind.

Some areas in which I’ve had to make choices over the past few days: what time to get up, what to eat, where to go, what to listen to, what information to repeat, who to invest in, what to wear, when to engage and when to avoid, how to spend my time, which product to buy, when to go and when to leave, how to be better, what goals are worth the investment, how to spend money, when and what to share, and what to sacrifice and why.

I don’t think I’ve completely reached an end to my musings on choice. But these are my thoughts so far. Have you ever thought about choice?

What’s been part of my life this week?

• Returned from an international trip, which stretched me professionally, emotionally, and spiritually. It was helpful to step away from my small town and be reminded that people around the world are concerned with the same things – friendship, acceptance, health, caring for family, loving children and grandchildren, celebrating the good, mourning the sad, and searching for ultimate fulfillment.

• Had my hair cut. 

• Spent time investing in friends, both in groups and one-on-one. Met with a few girls for our weekly Bible study. It’s rewarding to be encouraged and challenged by women who are seeking Jesus too.

• Had a pedicure. 

• Played trivia with friends on Wednesday per usual and was able to chat with them between questions. Being away allowed me to make relationships quickly with my teammates due to time constraints; it’s helped me realize how my interactions with friends are often shallow and encouraged me to ask the hard questions to truly invest in others.  

• Cleaned the apartment. 

• Met with a friend at a coffee shop to share life and provide support and encouragement for difficult “growing pain” times in life.

• Went to an orthodontic appointment. 

• Heard a new song on the radio, which is my new favorite. Here’s the link if you wanna take a listen.

• Enjoyed a massage at Spa Bianca. 

• Listened to this podcast by Sadie Robertson, which was worth the time.

• Shopped for groceries and prepped meals for the week. 

• Mulled around in my head what I want my role as an aunt to look like. Now that my first niece has arrived and I am receiving pictures and reports from my family, it’s caused me to consider more carefully what I desire for our aunt-niece relationship to be both now and in the future.

• Did laundry. 

• Conversed with others about what doing singleness well looks like, how to fight for a healthy attitude regarding an ex’s wedding, and the challenges and joys of a friend’s current dating relationship.

• Worked 22 hours in 2 days. 

• Attended a friend’s graduation party.

So that’s my last 5 days in a nut shell. Here’s to continued growth on this journey called life. 

Books Read in 2016

Book List 2016

Complete reads:
red = book club read

1. 7 Women - Eric Metaxas
2. Gilead - Marilynn Robinson
3. Hockey
4. How We Got the Bible - Timothy Jones
5. The Four Loves - C.S. Lewis
6. Nineteen Minutes - Jodi Piccoult
7. The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared - Jonas Jonassen
8. Ilusion - Frank Peretti
9. The Martian - Andy Weir
10. Okay for Now (audio) - Gary Schmidt
11. Working Stiff - Judy Melinek, M.D.
12. Prayer - Tim Keller
13. The National Parks: An Illustrated History  - Kim Heacox
14. 7 Men - Eric Metaxas
15. Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
16. 7 Brief Lessons on Physics - Carlo Rovelli
17. HitchHiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
18. The BFG - Ronald Dahl
19. Hondo - Lois L’amour
20. The Westing Game - Ellen Raskin
21. Quiet:The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking - Susan Cain
22. Ready Player One - Ernest Cline
23. His Needs, Her Needs - Willard F Harley, Jr.
24. The Optimist’s Daughter - Eudora Welty
25. Love at First Bark: How Saving a Dog Can Sometimes Help you Save Yourself - Julie Klam 
26. The Jungle (audio) - Upton Sinclair
27. Death of a Salesman (play) - Arthur Miller
28. The Mingling of Souls (audio) - Matt Chandler
29. The Sacred Search - Gary Thomas
30. Smarter Better Faster - Charles Duhigg
31. I Dared to Call Him Father (audio) - Bilquis Sheikh
32. The Boy in the Suitcase - Agnete Friis & Lene Kaaberbol
33. Same Kind of Different as Me - Ron Hall and Denver Moore
34. Until Tuesday (audio) - Bret Witter & Luis Carlos
35. When Breath Becomes Air - Paul Kalanithi & Abraham Verghese
36. The Magnolia Story - Chip and Joanna Gaines
37. Fever - Megan Abbott
38. Life of Pi (audio) - Yann Martel
39. Jack Reacher: Never Go Back and High Heat - Lee Child
40. The Dressmaker - Rosalie Ham
41. Hidden Christmas - Tim Keller
42. Open - Craig Gross
43. Wonder - Emma Donoghue

Partial reads:

1. Me Before You - JoJo Moyes
2. For Whom the Bells Toll - Ernest Hemingway
3. Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America - Erik Larson
4. Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
5. Love Does - Bob Goff
6. Orthodoxy - G.K. Chesterton
7. The Count of Monte Cristo (audio) - Alexandre Dumas

Diamonds

Sometimes, life is hard. This moment in my life is one of those times. I do not like going through the fire of painful events. I do not like the refining process. And in the middle of the heat, it is hard to remain hopeful that something beautiful will result.

Relationships help us see who we are because we cannot know who we are in isolation. Different personalities sharpen each other or cause sparks to fly. Either way, you cannot be unaffected by interacting with another human being. We all leave our mark on each other. I suppose one of the bigger questions to consider is what mark are you making?

Jesus wants to make his mark on me as well. As a Christ follower, I am to be marked by love. That is the way Jesus said the world would know we are his disciples: if we love one another. In the spirit-crushing times, though, it is impossible to love by one’s own power. It’s just too hard. Cue Holy Spirit.

The song I kept hearing on the radio yesterday speaks to this process. It’s a peppy tune that makes you want to punch the audio system when you are fighting back the tears. It doesn’t always make sense – how can one be joyful under pressure? Pressure is uncomfortable. Star Wars analogy anyone? Remember when Luke and Leia are in the trash compactor – not a pleasant experience. Fire is uncomfortable. Anyone burn their skin before? It’s not fun and it’s not something you voluntarily repeat if you are sane. But I suppose that is what it takes to perfect us – to cut, melt, burn away the ugliness of our sin: selfishness, idolatry, fear, impatience.

Diamonds – Hawk Nelson

“Here and now I’m in the fire, in above my head
Being held under the pressure, don’t know what will be left
But it’s here in the ashes
I’m finding treasure

He’s making diamonds
Making diamonds
He’s making diamonds out of dust
He is refining
And in his timing
He’s making diamonds out of us

I’ll surrender to the power of being crushed by love
‘Til the beauty that was hidden isn’t covered up
It’s not what I hoped for
It’s something much better

Oh The Joy of the Lord
It will be my strength
When the pressure is on
He’s making Diamonds”

Like Lucy

It’s such a weird feeling not being able to be with family for the holidays. If any of you have seen “While You Were Sleeping,” you have a glimpse of what it feels like. In some ways, I feel very much like Lucy. This Thanksgiving week I have the necessary, but isolating, task of providing medical care on Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. No possible way to go home. And even if I decided to drive the 9-hour round trip to central Missouri, I would end up at an empty house as my parents are flying halfway across the United States to visit my sister and bro-in-law.

I watch as both my ex-boyfriends are going home with their families to celebrate the holidays. One with a girlfriend; the other will also celebrate a birthday. And my heart is sad – it feels keenly the loss of a family by proxy. I watch as my roommate leaves with her boyfriend to spend time with his family two states away. My single friends have places to go, family to see. I know I’m not the only one alone this holiday – but sometimes that’s the way it feels.

Although I tend to keep busy and find plenty of things to occur my mind and time, if I stop, it becomes hard to deny the loneliness. I think this has been my particular burden for years – on and off through high school, college, working years, and grad school. I know I can’t “fix” this issue. I know no person can “fix” this issue. It’s an issue of the heart and spirit. Only Jesus truly satisfies. He does want use to have community, companionship, and life partners too though.

As you’ve probably noticed, there’s a whole lot of “feeling” going on here. I know my thoughts guide my emotions. I know emotions can be deceitful. I know truth should be the guiding principle for my emotions. I get it; my mind knows it. But my heart is still lagging.

This post is not intended to blame anyone. It’s not a call to action for others to fix the issue. I think it’s more for my benefit to write it than for people to solve the problem. I’m still a desperate work in progress. I yearn for the day when we are perfected and all hurt is banished forever.

A Few of My (Least) Favorite Things

It's interesting how the seasons work. As the leaves fall and the temperatures drop, I am reminded once again that sometimes you have to go through your least favorite seasons to get to the ones you actually enjoy. Now if you are a winter-lover, reverse this analogy. However, I hate being cold. The early darkness makes me moody and tired. No matter how many years I live in Iowa, I don't think I will ever truly enjoy the season of winter. Aspects of winter? Of course. The entire season? No way.

That being said, life can feel the same way. I'm not in a season I particularly enjoy. In fact, I would really love not to be in this season. But that's ok, because there must be something beautiful developing that will be lovely and enjoyable. Just have to wade through the aloneness, (often overwhelming) options, and remain faithful. 

One thing I've learned in this season is that we all need people in our lives. People can drive you nuts and can challenge you and can comfort you and can hurt you and everything in between. They can seem to be the problem and they can seem to be the solution. But the thing that has been most apparent to me is that they bring out the qualities in my life that were already there - magnifying the selfishness, kindness, impatience, helping spirit, loneliness that was there all along. It's like they say about marriage - two imperfect people joining together does not make one perfect person; it only magnifies the imperfections. And that can be true of any relationship (friendship, family, professional, or romantic). 

I suppose it's an admirable thing to be constantly changing to be better. It doesn't seem to get any easier though, even knowing I don't have to do it by myself through my own sheer will power. 

Maybe this post is only relevant to me. Maybe not. Either way, it's what's on my mind.