Of Life and Other Things.

Recently, there has been a trend to analyze social media’s impact on our lives. And the danger that comes from only seeing “one” side of a person. You know how it is…log on to Facebook and see only the things which that person cares to share. It often leads to an unbalanced portrayal, leaving us discontent with our own lives or wishing things were different. The truth is a screen does not do justice to capturing a multi-dimensional life. However, with that disclaimer, continuing reading for an update on my life and thoughts lately.

I haven’t shared any thoughts about my trip to Africa online mostly because it takes time to process and summarize. I’m not quite ready to comment yet on that aspect of life. But there are so many other thoughts swirling through my head. To write a coherent post connecting all those thoughts is pretty much impossible. However, even with some disjointedness, read on, Dear Reader, read on.

Satisfaction & Moving On.

I long to be satisfied fully by Jesus. Yet many days, when I step away from the rush of work and my schedule, I have this vague underlying sense of discontent. The thing that concerns me the most is that I’m usually such a content person. Perhaps, it’s to prepare me to make changes. Or maybe it’s to stretch me to be more reliant on God and his plan for my life – an incredible, intimidating plan that I don’t dare to imagine for fear of failing. I suppose only time will tell.

Goals. What Really Matters?

Throughout life, some goals change while others remain. It’s been hard to stay motivated about some goals lately. Maybe it’s the cold, wintery days. Or the fact that I was exhausted coming back from Africa and being thrown right into my next rotation. Maybe it’s due to the changes that come with time. Or the fact that time is rapidly approaching and June 20^th loams right around the corner. As I was reflecting on where I see my life headed, it’s a vast unknown in many ways. And like they say in Alice in Wonderland, if you don’t know where you’re headed, it doesn’t much matter which way you go. But God promises to be a lamp to guide our steps and a light to illuminate our path. And if I can only see one step at a time, I’ll take each one by faith.

Such true words.

Moral tension. Ethical indignation. The right to life, but mostly “for the mother.”

Working in ob/gyn at the University of Iowa, I knew I would encounter many ethical situations in which I was not comfortable. Since we are such a “progressive” state and city, abortion is routinely offered and performed. It’s been challenging to be surrounded by a majority that does not see life the way I do, and who indirectly make you feel like you’re unintelligent for holding such views. Fortunately, I have not been required to view termination procedures. But even in grand rounds this morning, we talked about the state of “reproductive freedom” in the U.S. and how “women should not die because of an unintended pregnancy” due to back-alley abortions. True, but neither should babies.

Opposition. Pray & Act.

This past Sunday we studied Nehemiah 4-6. It was certainly helpful to note the opposition Nehemiah faced and summarize his response, which was consistently two things: pray and act. Of course, it’s not super worthwhile just to determine these things; the real value comes with applying them in our own lives. We examined our individual response to opposition to close out the study. And it was then that I realized I often pray, but sometimes my action is to just wait. Don’t get me wrong. I think waiting can be the appropriate God-directed thing to do in many situations. But there comes a time to act. And I’m learning that lesson in my own life recently.

Recent Happenings

It’s been wonderful to be “home” these last few weeks. And while here, I’ve been able to expand my mind, comfort zone, and friendships. I’ve joined a ladies’ bible study and have been able to connect more with these women through studying Isaiah’s life and challenges. Sometimes one just needs girl time, which I often miss when I’m away on rotations. Another group I’m involved with met last week to discuss Counterfeit Gods by Tim Keller as part of our book club. Such a challenging read. If you haven’t read it, do. Then on Saturday, I attended a Valentine’s Day evening hosted by the guys from church. It was lovely as expected, and the entertainment was fantastic. I’m so blessed to be part of a community that cares. Also, studying for my rotation, game days, getting my computer repaired (*sigh* again), drinking entirely too much coffee, finishing Sherlock season 3, phone chats, ethnic dinners, and friend dates have been part of life these past two weeks.

A first for me: eating fish from the bone. Or in this case, half a fish :)

Having fun at the Valentine's Dinner with the gals.

Idols

Speaking of Counterfeit Gods by Tim Keller, I’ve been thinking about the idols in my own life. I’ve always been one to somewhat deny, at times, I value anything more than God – who he is, for himself, and not for what he does. It’s a sobering, terrifying thought to conclude there are things in life that I've put more practical emphasis on as important, even if transiently. And that realization is humbling and appropriately inspires sorrow and repentance. It will most likely be a struggle for the rest of my earthly life to keep things in their proper perspective and priority, but it’s a struggle worth fighting.

So, that’s life in a nut shell. Just a reminder before I head out…let’s try to not limit people to who they let us see. Every morning as I ride the bus and walk through the hospital I try to picture what someone may be facing that day and say a brief prayer as they pass. It can feel overwhelming to me to know there are so many people most likely dealing with many huge challenges, but our God is not overwhelmed. And even if it’s a brief, 5-second thought to me, he holds their lives in his hands and is constantly pursuing their souls. Just like he is pursuing mine.

Hello, Iowa. And all the beautiful snow.
Even if it barely makes double digits some days, it's home for now.


And a final video:

The Happenings of Life. Des Moines. November. December. 2014.

The time here in Des Moines seems to have gone more quickly than any other rotation I’ve had so far. I’ve enjoyed my time in this city. I’ve had great roommates, wonderful preceptors, and some time to do some fun things.

Broadlawn's has been an interesting and enlightening place to work. It's been a good experience and I can't believe I only have one more week left.

Broadlawns

Home Sweet Home, for now.

Besides visiting the capitol building, I’ve also been able to indulge in some other local things recently.

A friend from Iowa City recommended a country- line-dance place, and I’ve been attending the advanced and beginner nights for the past 4 weeks. It’s been fun to get out and see how other places teach, learn new dances, and meet new people. Definitely gives me something to look forward to outside of work besides studying.

The bar where lessons are held.

Lessons at Miss Kitty's.

Of course, it wouldn’t be my life if I didn’t find the local public libraries and check them out. Des Moines has a partnership with Iowa City, I guess, so I was able to get a library card for their system while here. And now I officially have 5 active library cards: Jefferson City, Iowa City, Coralville, Cherokee, and Des Moines. I know. I need an intervention. I suppose there are worst things in life.

Books. Just 'cuz.

Recent reads this past month have included: Skipping Christmas (John Grisham), The Plain Truth (Jodi Picoult), and The Fault in Our Stars (John Green), Jesus > Religion (Jefferson Bethke). Currently reading:  LiveDead: The Story, Til We Have Faces (C.S. Lewis), Forgotten God (Francis Chan), and Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Brandon Sanderson).

One of the realities of being a grad student is coffee. It’s always great to find a coffee shop where one can study. Since I’ve been here, two of my haunts include Smokey Row coffee shop (which is super cute and quaint) and Caribou Coffee (mostly because it’s right down the street and we don’t have wi-fi in our apartment). One of these days I won’t drink so much caffeine. But that day, folks, is not today.

Yep, you guessed it. Smokey Row Coffee shop.

The inside of Smokey Row.

Also, I was told I needed to eat at Tasty Tacos while in Des Moines. Apparently, the general consensus is that they are super good. I’ve found one person I work with who disagrees and everyone tells him he’s crazy. So, today for lunch I decided to give it a try. They were right! The tacos were awesome.

Tasty Tacos. Yum!

In other news, we experienced our first snow in Iowa within the last couple weeks. My roomie and I went out for African food. We bought our tickets for Tanzania with 2 days in Paris for New Year's Eve/Day. I saw Mockingjay: Part 1 in theaters. I was able to go home for Thanksgiving. Got my visa application completed. Christmas music is in full swing. 

 

Snow, snow, snow.

Safari restaurant. African food from Somalia. 

Hello, Paris. And Tanzania. And Amsterdam. And Chicago.

Thanksgiving with the parents.

And my roommate and I got locked in our apartment the other night. Yep, that's right. Locked IN. You have no idea how ridiculous that sounded when I called maintenance. But apparently the spring in the dead bolt broke, and the lock therefore couldn't unlock. It took about 2 hours for them to "break in" and fix it.

And that’s it for now. Consider yourself updated.

When the Going Gets Tough.

Can I be brutally honest with you? Life can be hard. I struggled with even writing and sharing this post. I hate to be vulnerable, but sometimes transparency is helpful. So, are you ready? Here it goes.

*The last few weeks have been a hugely challenging part of my life*

It seems like when it rains, it pours. But let’s back up a few months.

After my lovely summer break, I tried to mentally bunker down for this 2^nd year of rotations. Picking up and moving every month is difficult. Just as you feel like you know what you’re doing, who you’re working with, and what’s expected of you, you’re off to another location – new bed, clinic, hospital, docs, town, streets –to start over at the bottom. Every experience so far has had pros and cons, and I’ve learned a ton at each location, but the external stress is constantly threatening to overtake me. I knew PA school would be hard, and I was prepared for the academic challenge, but nobody truly warned me about the difficulty of being so lonely, feeling so inadequate, and the exhaustion that comes from uprooting every 28 days.

Of course, there have been bright spots throughout. Spending July 4^th with Kurt and his family. Exploring local libraries. Finding a quaint little café with delicious paninis. Softball games. Stargazing. Apple slushies. Lovely fall leaves and crisp autumn walks. Indian food with my roommate. Games days. Cards in the mail. Phone calls with dear family and friends.

July 4th. Red, White, & Blueberry pie.

Softball. The Punctual Puffin's fan club (the puf-fans)

Hello Fall!

Throughout the last few months, though, life has felt like a constantly juggling act – one with too many balls. As I’ve struggled to keep life in balance with academics, relationships, emotional and physical health, spiritual life, fun and rest, future plans, and everyday decisions, I have felt overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, and inadequate.

Then these things happened:

• 9.17-19 Quarterly exams.
• 9.19 I decided to start taking an anti-depressant until I get through grad school.
• 9.20 Kurt and I split. It was a painful decision and one of the hardest things I’ve been through in my life. Tomorrow marks three weeks.
• 9.22 (what would have been Kurt’s and my 15-month anniversary). On my first day of my surgery rotation, I totaled my car. Yeah, the one I just got in June this year. Fortunately, the surgeon has been gracious and more supportive than I could have dreamed as I dealt with the aftermath of this incident. After I got it towed, a rental car, updated my parents and program, called my insurance, I then started looking for another car – all in one week, on my new rotation, being on-call, in a new town, by myself. Thankfully, God perfectly orchestrated a new-to-me car and allowed me to negotiate a decent price.

My beautiful wrecked car.

My new-to-me car. Same model and year. Different color.

• 9.30 My computer died a few days later. By waiting until I was in Iowa City, the university IT department was able to fix it for free. But they had to wipe everything and re-install Windows on it. Today, one week later, I was able to pick it up – functional again!

Even though circumstances can threaten to take me down, I’m taking it one day at a time. I’ve had a huge outpouring of love from friends and family. I’m learning to be more reliant on God and to reach out to try to create new friendships. Time can be a beautiful remedy. And with that hope, I press on.

2 COR. 1:3-7