When the Going Gets Tough.

Can I be brutally honest with you? Life can be hard. I struggled with even writing and sharing this post. I hate to be vulnerable, but sometimes transparency is helpful. So, are you ready? Here it goes.

*The last few weeks have been a hugely challenging part of my life*

It seems like when it rains, it pours. But let’s back up a few months.

After my lovely summer break, I tried to mentally bunker down for this 2^nd year of rotations. Picking up and moving every month is difficult. Just as you feel like you know what you’re doing, who you’re working with, and what’s expected of you, you’re off to another location – new bed, clinic, hospital, docs, town, streets –to start over at the bottom. Every experience so far has had pros and cons, and I’ve learned a ton at each location, but the external stress is constantly threatening to overtake me. I knew PA school would be hard, and I was prepared for the academic challenge, but nobody truly warned me about the difficulty of being so lonely, feeling so inadequate, and the exhaustion that comes from uprooting every 28 days.

Of course, there have been bright spots throughout. Spending July 4^th with Kurt and his family. Exploring local libraries. Finding a quaint little café with delicious paninis. Softball games. Stargazing. Apple slushies. Lovely fall leaves and crisp autumn walks. Indian food with my roommate. Games days. Cards in the mail. Phone calls with dear family and friends.

July 4th. Red, White, & Blueberry pie.

Softball. The Punctual Puffin's fan club (the puf-fans)

Hello Fall!

Throughout the last few months, though, life has felt like a constantly juggling act – one with too many balls. As I’ve struggled to keep life in balance with academics, relationships, emotional and physical health, spiritual life, fun and rest, future plans, and everyday decisions, I have felt overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, and inadequate.

Then these things happened:

• 9.17-19 Quarterly exams.
• 9.19 I decided to start taking an anti-depressant until I get through grad school.
• 9.20 Kurt and I split. It was a painful decision and one of the hardest things I’ve been through in my life. Tomorrow marks three weeks.
• 9.22 (what would have been Kurt’s and my 15-month anniversary). On my first day of my surgery rotation, I totaled my car. Yeah, the one I just got in June this year. Fortunately, the surgeon has been gracious and more supportive than I could have dreamed as I dealt with the aftermath of this incident. After I got it towed, a rental car, updated my parents and program, called my insurance, I then started looking for another car – all in one week, on my new rotation, being on-call, in a new town, by myself. Thankfully, God perfectly orchestrated a new-to-me car and allowed me to negotiate a decent price.

My beautiful wrecked car.

My new-to-me car. Same model and year. Different color.

• 9.30 My computer died a few days later. By waiting until I was in Iowa City, the university IT department was able to fix it for free. But they had to wipe everything and re-install Windows on it. Today, one week later, I was able to pick it up – functional again!

Even though circumstances can threaten to take me down, I’m taking it one day at a time. I’ve had a huge outpouring of love from friends and family. I’m learning to be more reliant on God and to reach out to try to create new friendships. Time can be a beautiful remedy. And with that hope, I press on.

2 COR. 1:3-7