Sometimes I wonder if God looks down and smiles at us in our childlike desire to figure it out on our own. Like a toddler trying to open a door by banging on it with all his might, but not tall enough to reach the door knob, we may know how to get what we want, just not be able to do so in our own strength. I’ve been reflecting on the reality that our God is one of miracles. He is our provider. His heart yearns for us to love him and those around us, and he also desires for us to seek him for the very source of that love.
Recently, I have been in much thought, prayer, and conversation about the path of my life. God has placed desires in my heart that don’t make sense together; they seem in conflict with each other both with regards to time and money. Those desires: medicine and missions. Now, it doesn’t seem like these would be in opposition. There are so many options for medical missions work. But, I’m considering the less logical direction of missions before medicine. And that brings up finances….
It costs money to travel, eat, and minister. It also costs money to pay back loans, pay rent, and buy gas. The number I’m roughly calculating I will need for everything to happen as envisioned is $35,000 in one year. Seem impossible at this point? Yes.
However, as I’ve been reading through Mark’s gospel, I’ve been reminded that Jesus is the master of the impossible. Take, for example, the story of him feeding the 5,000 men (plus women and children) with one boy’s small lunch. The disciples with their natural eyes couldn’t see how that amount of food could feed that amount of people; but it did. And, in addition, there were plenty of leftovers.
Their situation is not much different from mine. I don’t have enough resources on my own – just a fraction of what is necessary. But if it’s God’s plan, then it doesn’t matter. He can and will provide. Even if I can’t see how he’ll work out the details, I know if he has his hand on the door knob, the door will open.
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